Understanding the Compass

Compasses have long been touted as devices for navigation and orientation that show direction relative to the geographic cardinal directions, or compass rose.

In theory, it points north. In practice, it points to your next poor life decision. Use wisely.

Sketch Comedy Disaster: The Lost Sailor

(Scene opens on a ship deck)

Sailor: "Quick! What does the compass say?"

Second Sailor: "It says 'Help!' in Morse code."

Turns out, it wasn't the compass after all; it was the GPS shouting existential crisis.

First Mate: "Great! Now we're lost and trapped in a sketch."

Compass Maintenance Tips

1. Avoid exposure to magnetic environments, which include your aunt's attraction to mysterious crystal shops and your uncle's unsolvable Rubik's Cube.

2. Regularly calibrate by orienting the needle to coincide with the Earth's magnetic field. Or simply align it with your future aspirations. They both lead the same way: nowhere.