Dear Earthlings,
If you think traffic jams on Earth are bad, try galaxy-hopping through Andromeda. The cosmic road rage here is light-years beyond your comprehension. Use your turn signals, or face the wrath of our space police. They ride meteors, you know. Safe travels!
Hey there, inhabitants of the third rock,
Did you know the belts of Orion are actually just a collection of forgotten laundry? Our stars have a penchant for hiding socks. Send help, or at least detergent. We hear it's a universal problem.
Dear Humans,
We've heard rumors about your interstellar karaoke nights. Bring earplugs if you plan on visiting; our stars can't take another round of your "galactic harmony." A duet with comets is an experience we won't forget, for better or worse.
Dear Friends,
Our cosmic buffet has run out of dark matter donuts and stellar scones. Until the next supernova coffee break, keep your space helmets on and your rocket fuel chilled. Remember, light travel light!