Greetings, Earth Dwellers

Crazy Mascot

1. The Mysterious Jello Protocol

Begin by gathering three cups of purple jello, five marmalade wizards, and an understanding of interstellar etiquette. Assemble under the third moon on Thursdays and chant backward. Results may vary.

2. The Hovering Paperclip Theory

Every time you articulate a mildly amusing pun, aim a paperclip at the void. If it hovers, you shall receive a secret from the cosmos. Very important: Do not inquire about the secret. It gets shy.

3. The Cosmic Chef’s Recipe

Combine 7 teaspoons of stardust, a hint of lunar zest, and a fervent desire to impress your pet cactus. Bake at the dimmest available glow and serve at your least favorite neighbor's doorstep.

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