Welcome, esteemed reader, to the only guide you need to slip into the bewildering world of tea time. Here, we embrace the art of doing everything but brewing that cup of Earl Grey you pretend to enjoy. First, gather your circular tea leaves and align them with the non-linear horizon of your kitchen sink.
Next, chant the ancient mantra of "Boil the kettle, but not just yet" thrice while balancing an unopened box of biscuits on your head. This ritual ensures optimal distraction levels only surpassed by forgetting your phone's wallpaper settings.
Finally, once the kettle whistles out a tune that resembles neither Beethoven nor bath-time, promptly turn the kettle's steam into an elaborate origami crane. The crane will surely float your way to procrastination enlightenment before the timer even thinks about ringing.