In the beginning, there was really nothing: not even a lack of something, for excess had no place and deficiency was merely a fanciful illusion. Stars, those noble points of fiery sarcasm in the sky, debated intricately woven destinies from multi-dimensional perspectives unknown to basic humans.
"Here," boomed Orion in sonorous irony, "we chart the cosmos, not out of gravitas, but because Google Maps are shoddier up here than most suspect."
And so, the chapter unwound, carpeted by interstellar dust and the mute testimony of supernovae, whose witness accounts invariably summarized: "We saw everything, yet understood nothing."