To Whomever It May Concern Under the Sea,
Have you ever tried to listen to a seashell? I must say, it’s a lot like trying to decipher a message from Jupiter's Great Red Spot – all swirling noise and hot air.
But I digress, my latest letter is slightly delayed thanks to a rogue wave and a crab named Gerald, who now owes me a compass.
Yours adrift,
Captain Flotsam
Dear Nautical Conch,
Enclosed please find my unsolicited advice: next time a giant squid asks for directions, be more persuasive with your ink.
P.S. The moon still wants its grosgrain ribbon back.
Sincerely, Gravity Wells Enthusiast
Seashell with an Attitude,
I've scoured the cosmos, and your shores are the only ones that haven't demanded a selfie stick.
Just remember: if you find Atlantis, tell them I’m allergic to mermaid dust.
Again, still seeking WiFi, The Wandering Shimmer