In the latest transmission from the Orbiting Oblivion, we bring you the news that surely isn't news. In a stunningly repetitive development, the world remains exactly as it was five minutes ago. The sun rose, the coffee cooled, and the stock markets... defied gravity yet again. Experts agree this cycle is unprecedentedly predictable.
Local disturbances reported amidst a nationwide peace summit, where participants reportedly fell asleep during the "Awakening Wisdom" seminar. Authorities suggest elective naps might help ease tensions. A tranquil solution, indeed.
Despite claims of futuristic forecasting, our meteorological machines (and magic 8-balls) agree: it's either raining or it's not. Tune in tomorrow for yet another upsurge in air pressure knowledge. Meanwhile, local umbrellas remain optimistic.