Dearest Inhabitant of the Third Orb,
Your incessant queries have reached the ears of the *always omniscient yet perpetually distracted* Quantum Owl.
The Eternal Checkered Board of Existence wishes to inform you that the tea you seek has been replaced with existential dread. Nevertheless, it is quite refreshing this time of aeons.
Should you hear the softly spoken chords of reality bending, do not be alarmed; it is merely a symphony conducted by the *Improbable Conductor*.
Henceforth, you are advised to consume your scones with a hint of skepticism and an abundant amount of parallel thought.
Remember, irony is the spice of life, and the universe is baking a cake of cosmic proportions.