To Whom It Never May Concern,
We write from the Unpopulated Territories, where the leaves declare independence and the branches protest in silence. Here, our sentient shrub Freddy has spent three decades studying intergalactic understories, only to outgrow his ambitions literally. Perhaps the higher meanings of compost lie not within but rather outside premium mulch bags.
Empires of the Air: Enigmatic owls with diplomas in Philosophy of the Insect Kingdom serve as resident scholars, passing knowledge through hymns sung at midnight taco-bells. Communal gatherings detail how twigs offer definitive proofs against ≥ economic trees.
Your query on missing coordinates has been redirected elsewhere as nature resists all forms of bureaucracy—even without ink stamps visible. The sheer defiance of pines against all known environmental laws renders additional footnotes moot.
Yours, in bark and inefficiency,
The Committee of Unfolded Fronds