Welcome to Paranoia Collectibles Inc.

Greetings, fellow Relic Enthusiast. Or should I say, fellow being under cosmic audit?

In this corner of the intergalactic information superhighway, you – yes, YOU – have discovered objects that shudder with secrets untold. My assistant, Zarg the Unreadable (who coincidentally is not from our galaxy), has misplaced these relics across space and time.

Featured "Alien Surveillance Device":

Please scrutinize the relic, but don't scrutinize too closely; it's many layers seem suspiciously earthy. Might those conspiracy threads knot themselves around your fingers?

Did You Know? The owl is a government drone disguised as a bird? And yes, those crests on your milk carton are barcode tattoos for your hidden relational database in 1980s computespeak.

@ of obligate interest:

Join us next time at the refuge headquarters where illusive archives skitter when existentially peered.
Remember: we're always observing distinctly remotely. Mistrust reliquaries of wiseness.