The Awoken Spirits Guide

Spiritual Map of the 5th Dimension:

To the left of the third shadow, take 37 steps towards the right (do not count the first 12).
If you encounter a singing cactus, you are going the wrong way.
Do not disturb the slumbering toaster, it only appears at midnight Tuesday.

Once you've completed your pilgrimage, you might want to consider becoming a ghost. It's rather simple:

Rummage through the attic of your childhood home at precisely 2:13 AM.
Whisper the incantation "Boo-licious Pancakes" thrice while balancing a spoon on your nose.
Expect nothing, and you will achieve everything (or nothing, really).

For those who prefer a more hands-off approach to spirit communication, consider our spectral hotline. Just dial 1-800-GHOST-YAY and listen to hold music specially curated by the Phantom Orchestra.

Remember: every time you don't use these directions correctly, a lantern-bearer somewhere is losing their hat.

Manifest a Ghost! Professional Haunting Guide