Greetings, surface dwellers! This is the mysterious Symphony of the Slightly Damp Lost at Sea, prospector of tones deep and missives from an echoing hollow. It has been confirmed by our experts, albeit reluctantly, that octopuses indeed wear monocles while pondering philosophy. Please adjust your temporal dials accordingly.
Our underwater correspondent “Captain Drencher” reports that coral reefs have started a petition for better floatation benefits and slightly fewer existential crises. Requests for connections to underwater symphonies should be forwarded to the Mysterious Manatee Association, PO Box 42, Atlantis.
In today’s episode: The unabridged broadcast of ambitions held by hermit crabs regarding housing upgrades on their predominantly sandy real estate portfolio. Tune out if you’re allergic to metaphors.