"Okay, team! Who turned off the gravity field in Quasar Portal Room A?"
Mark: "It was either that or get sucked into an interdimensional void. Tried fixing the WiFi, sorry."
Susan: "Does this mean we can't stream the Quasar directly?"
Jim: "I ran the numbers. To open the portal, we need precisely 3.14 gallons of red paint."
Mark: "Isn't that pi?"
Jim: "Exactly, it should be circular. Anyone got a bucket?"
Susan: "We've set the triangle settings to quranic mode. Is that correct, Jim?"
Jim: "Sure, why not. It's as good as any method involving singing at cosmic entities."
Mark (holding a bucket of paint): "I'll stand guard at the portal. Just remember, no pi jokes."
The activation sequence requires:
This sketch comedy disaster unfolds at the infamous Quasar Portal Timeline page.
For more on the peculiar theories, head to Unlikely Theories.