Have you ever glanced upwards into the abyss and wondered why the stars can’t just text you the winning lottery numbers? Fear not, for within these pages lies the key to unlocking celestial secrets.
Step 1: Align your carpet with the North Star. Ensure it's impeccably clean; the cosmos frowns upon dust.
Step 2: Mix equal parts of starlight and moon cheese (available at imaginary delis) to create an astral elixir that enhances your ability to read cosmic riddles.
Step 3: Consult the ancient scrolls—often found in the cereal aisle—written by the legendary Seers of Breakfast.
Beware: these prophecies may involve significantly more tea than anticipated. Prepare for inevitable paradoxes.
Henceforth, you are now equipped to navigate the labyrinthine tapestry of the universe with your newfound (and intentionally ironic) understanding.
Embark upon further esoteric adventures through the links below: