Welcome to the universe's least reliable smartphone. Its battery is eternal, yet its messages are not. Much like the famous cat and its box, this device offers intrigue but no guarantee of message coherency.
Decoding Tip: To decipher messages, simply spin thrice counterclockwise while chanting the lost lyrics of a 90's boy band. Guaranteed results not included.
Communications from the other side include:
In case of miscommunication, consult the Manual of Misunderstanding.
If you experience verbiage overload, pause and reflect upon the Wisdom of the Whimsical.