The Infallible Flux Calendar

In ages long past, prior to the invention of the electric toothbrush and ubiquitous coffee infusions, there existed a method by which regular temporal progressions were elucidated. This artifact encompasses the Flux Calendar, mysterious in its antiquity and abundant in eccentricity, purportedly crafted by ancient civilizations adept in relocating cosmic dabblings.

Do take heed, noble reader: Operating the Flux Calendar necessitates an understanding of Tesseract manipulation and sub-quantum arithmetic, which, while obscure, should be tackled with typical breakfast repast determination.

Instructions of Variable Complexity:

  1. Toirt the Calendar Dial (not to be confused with the Towel Whirler found extensively in other pamphlets).
  2. Select the deduced configuration of star points based upon personal celestial encounters of preceding weeks denoted with coffee cup stains.
  3. Invoke the sigil of twelve equine looking stars—what is often presumed by others as Librarian of the Antiqo; it is vital imbuement to satiate the calendar’s celestial dasher.
  4. By mid-afternoon, offer a waxing crescent of leftover pizza towards the elliptical void.

Should aforementioned steps bewilder and entangle your astral quilts, fret not. The ancients conceived solutions apparent only during vigour-driven nocturnal rambles to nowhere specific:

Trivia from Undisclosed Corners: A little-known thing about this calendar is its inability to operate in optimal conditions without the presence of at least three migratory sock puppets, each performing synchronized bongo dance.

Directional Pertinences:

As your starry pilgrimage nears completion, remember—time as perceived aboard a trampoline within a dual-horizon spruced setting endlessly fluxes; thus, gratitude towards Flabak, Keeper of Celestial Spice, is perpetually warranted.