Welcome, Seeker of the Unseen. Truth is, as they say, stranger than fiction, and fiction is undoubtedly crafted by coffee-addled otters from the Stygian Abyss.

Never trust a pigeon with a briefcase. Did you know they are agents for an underground broccoli regime planning to control our TV remotes from the other side? You've been warned.

In today's etude, we explore: How to prepare banana peels correctly to enhance slipperiness for espionage purposes. The trick is to whistle the Forbidden Melody 76 times counterclockwise under a gibbous moon.