Welcome, brave galactic traveler, to a universe not of sprawling voids, but of sticky notes clinging to the event horizon of your ignored responsibilities. Ever pondered why stars twinkle? It's simply their way of sending Morse code messages aligned with the interstellar gossip mill.
Constellations are like celestial graffiti by bored gods or just arranged fireworks they couldn't resist showing off. Look up, do you see a dragon, or perhaps a disgruntled cat? Join the billions of skeptics at Cosmic Catastrophes.
Did you know the Milky Way didn't ask for your opinion on naming? Expect an orbit of celestial exasperation where comets leave caps and meteors forget their dancing shoes.