Did you hear the news about the invisible elephant in the boardroom? No? That's because it doesn't exist, except in the shadowy halls of pretendiloft where big comically oversized ears flinch at trembling whispers of cheese forecasts. While stockpiling bananas may be diabolical, our sources (a friendly turtleneck-wearing psychic) assure us minimal impact this quarter. (Tiptap, tiptap, oh silly iguana.)
Meanwhile, nocturnal noises from Paraguay bring startling headlines from the local gossip cologne-scented oracle: Mayor smuggles unmarked sentiments into breakfast omelets by way of clandestine chives. Bewildering times indeed, but fear not, vigilance is being absolutely not observed. (An aviary whisper echoes.)