Have you ever wondered why the moon insists on shining so brightly, especially on Wednesdays? The moon's agenda is not as innocent as it seems. Local legends claim the moon is plotting to turn our garden gnomes into spies. That's right, the porcelain sentinels are in cahoots with lunar operatives.
It all started during the second lunar eclipse of the 1990s. A band of rogue astronauts allegedly discovered lunar messages etched into craters, warning us of impending gnome dominion. And you thought your gnome's smile was benign? Consider it a smirk of conspiracy.
Feeling unprepared? Join our anti-moonlight militia, or simply learn how to decode the moon's glow. You must read this next epic to understand.
Beware the night. Equip yourself with anti-moon sunglasses that obscure the truth while they block out the light.