The Secret Diary
Diary: "I'm all ears, or rather, all fibers."
Me: "Prove it. Let's see you float above the washing machine."
Diary: "Is that so? Perhaps we should start writing a novel about it. 'The Chronicles of the Sock: A Journey Towards Dryer-Nation' has a nice ring to it."
And so, the sock and I became best-selling authors, at least in the parallel universe of lint creatures and soap bubbles. But, alas, we couldn't find a publisher... being inanimate can be a real hurdle for a sock's ambitions.