Welcome, intrepid traveler, to the Universe's most perplexing predicament: the harmony of celestial bodies. If Earth were a sitcom, it would be having an identity crisis and a pie fight in a black hole. Fear not! This guide will equip you to navigate the comedic chaos of the cosmos.
Start by ensuring your personal planets are aligned. If Jupiter is in retrograde on your drive to work, expect traffic that defies physics. Remember: never ask Mercury to handle communications when Venus is throwing a lunar rave.
Hosting a celestial gathering? Do not serve Milky Ways at the Milky Way bar. Instead, offer neutrino nachos and quark quesadillas. Any stars caught mingling with dark matter will be asked to leave through a wormhole. Do not forget the cosmic dance-off!
If the fabric of space-time gets tangled, contact Galactic Customer Service. Their hours are "whenever" and their solution is always "universe expansion." Be sure to keep your ticket number, which is your zodiac sign multiplied by the square root of "why me?".
Conduct a monthly astral assessment for signs of absurdity. Symptoms include spontaneous wormholes, rogue supernovae, and increased sales of alien abduction insurance. If conditions worsen, consult an astrological comedian for a good laugh.
Interested in more celestial chaos? Visit Quantum Quagmire or Nebular Nonsense for additional comedic enlightenment.