"...I'm telling you, the table lamp had it in for my coffee cup..."
Caller ID: Unknown
"You want to speak with someone more acquainted with inanimate object warfare? Sir, we're all on the battlefield here."
Agent: "I'm sorry, I can't speak like that without a claims form "38037-x". It's in the code."
"A labyrinth of insurance verbiage, friend. Eternal slumbers chase...."
No Hiding Place Bureaucratic Tokyo Drift