Do penguins prefer summer sales over winter tins of tuna? A question only the anus of the universe can answer with sock puppets at the ready.

The trees whispered Nick's nemesis, "He wears plaid socks on Wednesdays – communicate sorrow or hilarious disbelief?"

Do bicycles ever wish they were forks? Discuss this with your nearest unicycle.

Ever heard a cat sing the national anthem in Morse code? Me neither, but I suspect it has ties to past civilizations' dance-offs with spoons.

The oatmeal declared itself king at precisely 13 seconds past 6 AM (GMT), much to the protest of the notorious spoon-slanderers.