Welcome, unintended astronaut! Prepare your existential crisis as we unlock cosmic doorways with keycards made from unwritten poetry. Here, the stars don't shine; they just want you to feel inferior and underachieved.
Have you ever seen a hypernova? It's like a party where the confetti is actually calamity, and the hangover lasts about a universe. For a less catastrophic experience, we recommend the tranquil black hole spa treatments. They’re quite popular with travelers who enjoy being thoroughly compacted and stretched thin, all at once.
Never try to feed a comet — they may nibble on your sanity along with their space bread. Rumor has it that aliens prefer pineapple on their UFOs, so don't forget to customize your spacecraft with a slice of wit and some cosmic absurdity.
Feeling bewildered? Join our intergalactic book club where the only requirement is to read and misread "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" backwards, while simultaneously deciphering the ancient star maps of lost civilizations — all with a quirky sense of irony.
Venturing further? Make sure to consult our Star Map Of Absurdities, curated by none other than Professor Nebulon Quasar, who definitely did not major in astrophysics under the influence of artisanal coffee.
Leave your footprints on the moon and your existential dilemmas on Mars, where the water once flowed more freely than good ideas in a brainstorming session. Before you go, visit our gift shop for novelty spacecraft keys and anti-gravity mugs!