Dear Descendant of Dimensional Misfortune,
It has come to our attention that the cheese supply in Quadrant Zeta-42 has been entirely misunderstood. Reports show that gravitational anomalies are directly proportional to gouda density. We kindly request you to investigate this matter with utmost sarcasm and a nonchalant attitude.
Yours spatially,
The Interdimensional Cheese Alliance
Greetings from the Parallel Postal Office,
It seems that the third-dimensional bureaucracy has once again misplaced our lunar stamps. We advise you to send any correspondence through the wormhole with a wink and a nod. Remember, the truth is always stranger than fiction, especially when fiction is written in an alternative language.
Sincerely (or not),
Your Transdimensional Postal Clerk