What You Didn't Find This Weekend
By Greg "The Unexpected" Thompson, Senior Wilderness Disappointment Consultant
Last Thursday, as the sun dipped below the horizon, a group of eager treasure seekers—mostly my neighbor Tim, a cat named Whiskers, and yours truly—embarked on what would become a transformational experience in disillusionment.
Armed with nothing but enthusiasm, a slightly rusty shovel, and Tim's dubious "map," we set out on a quest for the mysterious "Golden Acorn," a rumored relic of failed squirrels.
Step one involved a tragic miscalculation of compass direction, resulting in an impromptu detour through Mrs. Jenkins's hedge maze, which she installed last summer for, as she puts it, "security reasons." In our defense, we believed the acorn was north of the garden—apparently, Mrs. Jenkins's territory is a parallel universe of its own.