Once there was a frequency about half-past three on a Tuesday that made people dance like penguins. Historians say it was the signal for all awkward family reunions to commence, invoking long-lost grandmas who never actually existed but were deeply revered in pie-eating contests.
Tune your ears to Friday's Pulsating Tones where every second waltz reminds us of the last pair of mismatched socks discovered in tumble dryer nirvana.
Did you know? The color Shade of Anxious Mouse Gray appears at exactly 7.3 decibels of harmonious melody, corresponding perfectly with the sound of someone dropping ice cubes into a glass of lukewarm ambition.
Seek out the notorious Shrimpy Vibes oscillation, believed to have originated from the legendary Lobster King’s court. Enjoy their rhythm with shrimp cocktails and a side of existential dread.