Welcome Back to the Solar System!

Ah, the Solar System. It's been a while! Don't worry, we have totally gotten rid of all the warps and time paradoxes on your last spin.

Planetary Highlights:

• Mercury: Remember to pack your sunblock; SPF 5000 recommended. Also, bring your own water — the vending machine is, shall we say, 'non-existent.'
• Venus: It's hot and full of toxic gases, just like your aunt's basement after Thanksgiving. Tours available, but only in gas masks.
• Earth: Have you heard of this quaint little planet? It's caught on; just ask the artificial sentience, it knows everything. Expect long queues for tourist attractions.
• Mars: Dust storms are frequent, but our guide droids have Wi-Fi now, so keep scrolling. Martian souvenirs are guaranteed "almost authentic."

Travel Advisory:

If you see UFOs, behave like a sad poet; you might get poetry written about you.

Interplanetary Cuisine:

Pasta's still the same, even on Jupiter. And yes, the moons are indeed made of cheese. Don't forget to tip the waiter on Sirius.