There once was a ✱✱✱✱✱✱ hiss, as harmonious as a cat playing the 🎹 piano. In the background, you could hear echoes resembling a concerned uncle:
"Toaster settings vary like life choices in a sitcom episode."
And thus, the saga of the kitchen appliance wisdom began. Who knew the blender settings matched one's dating profile?
Further down the channel of cosmic white noise, a ✦✦✦✦✦ voice advised:
"Never trust a sandwich that's been made on a Tuesday."
Perhaps it was the static speaking through an inter-dimensional radio, or perhaps it was just your grandfather's old TV set, but the messages were clear.