Galactic Oracle Guidance for Atomic Earthlings

Aries

Leap before you look. It's called "jump-starting" your day. Where's the fire, you ask? In the toaster, silly.

Taurus

Embrace stability like an anvil loves gravity. Remember: bullheadedness is a form of meditation. Moo to find peace.

Gemini

Two heads are better than one, especially if one has a different opinion. Engage in duality discussions over cosmic coffee.

Cancer

Crustacean camouflage: retreat into your shell and pretend to be a rock. Emotional tides? Use a floaty.

Leo

Roar softly and wear a mane with confidence—bedazzled if necessary. Leadership means sharing the spotlight (sometimes).

Virgo

Perfection is 16 decimal places. Tidy your emotional closet, and remember: linens must align at all costs.

Libra

Diplomacy is best served with a side of humor and a pinch of indecision. Balance on a tightrope while juggling responsibilities.

Scorpio

Stingers and secrets, oh my! Trust is a privilege, not a right. Bury your feelings in the desert and plant trust cacti.

Sagittarius

Wanderlust is your middle name (change it legally). Arrows are for aiming, not shooting. "Adventure" is a call to brunch.

Capricorn

Climb mountains with a goat mentality. Ambition is your favorite food group; vitamins A through Z are optional.

Aquarius

Originality is the key to the universe. Group think is an oxymoron. Water bearers need hydration breaks frequently.

Pisces

Reality is what you float through. Dream vividly and reel in your emotions like fish—preferably catch-and-release style.