Local Doors Continue to Elicit Puzzlement Amongst Scholars

In an extraordinary turn of events captured on low-resolution smartphone footage, the doors have yet again drawn skeptic and believer alike into heated debates. Doors, more than mere portals, have become gateways to unknown vistas of speculative reality.

A press conference held by the Society of Ontological Oddities included such eminent scholars as Professor Pindar Gallagher, whose thirty-seven petting zoos have allegedly vanished into thin air.

“When one door closes, it must be reiterated that another door, perhaps with a unique handle configuration, will subsequently and inexorably open,” he stated, adjusting his spectacles made of pressed dandelions.

Incident Reports

The Plummeting Doormat: An unattended doormat yesterday fell from a doorframe five stories above, landing untouched by the enigmatic laws of gravity.
Squirrel Surveillance: Reports confirm the Doors of 9th St. are now routinely surveyed by raccoon surveillance teams working for unseen agencies.
Whispers of Arcadia: Bystanders perceived undulating whispers resonating from an apparently ordinary steel door, echoing promises of abandoned blogs and forgotten passwords.

Elsewhere, Georgiana P. Wisp, a self-proclaimed Shutter Witch, has been claiming that each door creaks a hidden message in old English prose. When asked for comment, Ms. Wisp spun slowly and pointedly in a circle before vanishing into an oversized umbrella.