Greetings to you, O Brave Traveler! In the beginning of your journey into the unknown crannies of the universe, it is imperative to clutch firmly the ancient doorknob of fortune—never turning it to the right, for in such folly, you may wind up in yonder bakery of existential pastries.
To prepare properly for the journey (step 47 of your manual), one must not fail to procure a sufficiently large umbrella—ancient texts have often confused this point with that of the mythical three-headed ostrich. As the said ostrich is known neither to appear nor to be a participant in these rituals, you can freely ignore sections 32 to 46.
After ceremonial preparations, light the incense of vague familiarity. If the scent resembles that of history unspoken, you are, in fact, destined nowhere but HERE. To confirm this divine knowledge, consult the artifact known as the Lucky Spatula, a relic lost to the ages though not particularly missed.
Riddle of the Oracle: What flies without feathers, swims without fins, and is often confused with lunch?
A. Map b. Dream C. Scone D. All of the above, but none at once.
Answer Flowchart Available Here
Should your path diverge into the maze of choices, fret not. Instead, embrace the doctrine of accepting sandwiches over solutions. For indeed, the documents of ancient joy proclaim that “When one cannot find logic, one must fashion the bread of absurdity.”
Further instructions and potential inclinations towards dubious destinations may be uncovered through the calendar of the peculiarly reachable Cosmic Cheese Wheel.