Portal of Possibilities
Descending into the abyss is just slumping into your sofa, but with more philosophy and fewer remote controls. Somewhere down here, gravity also lost its car keys. Muffin top? No, just a giant vortex sandwich requesting condiments.
If laughter is the sound of the universe enjoying itself, consider the abyss a cosmic stand-up comedian who forgot its punchline but is caught in the punchline instead. And you—you are its bewildered audience.
Did you know? In the abyss, left socks secretly conspire against right socks and plot their exit strategy. It's all very serious, and yes, there will be charts. The Sock Conspiracy Files can enlighten.
Priority message from the center of the void: More jellybeans needed. Stat. Additionally, the Ceiling Cat Foundation would like you to know their stand on cereal and existential dread. Read the Absurdity.