Celestial Navigation Log: The Cosmic Irony Voyage

Adrift the starry depths, where even Procyon gives GPS a run for its money.

Log Entries:

[Stardate: 132.2 Mistral Year]
    
    > System checks. Ruse initiated successfully.
    
[Stardate: 133.7 Mistral Year]
    
    Incident report: Spotted a two-headed Martian voting paradox. 
    > Probable cause: An imbalanced opinion on Saturnian tea.

[Stardate: Unknown]
    
    Logged: 3 stray comets acquired names, “Nova Craig” got a planet but “Ricardo” didn't. Equality? Not here!
    
[Asteroid Belt of 133.9 Stars]
    
    Astrometric division concluded celestial selfies yield larger voids.
    Final verdict: Backs weren't broad enough.
    

Decision triaged with constellation aspirations:

Lost Coefficient in Galactic Perplexity

Quasar Confuffle: Chronicles