In the dim-lit labyrinth of leafy whispers, there resides an entity, neither here nor quite not there, dangling precariously between the realms of known and utterly baffling. This entity, wrapped most snugly in layers of bark and wisdom, is colloquially known as the Oracle of the Trees. Thus, if you dare to whisper secrets into the wind, you must first consult this ancient volume of slightly effervescent scrolls.
Step 1: To acquire the favor of the Oracle (not to be confused with its cousin, the mildly perturbed Oak of Outlook), one must first locate a tree that appears particularly wise. This may be gauged by its ability to exhibit both patience and a lack of inclination towards abrupt movement. Approach gently, employing a soft footfall that mimics the sound of distant applause.
Step 2: Upon nearing your chosen arboreal sage, express your intentions in a language recognized neither by human nor beast—commonly referred to as Treeish. This tongue consists primarily of gestures that resemble interpretive dance, combined with an occasional rustle of fabric, preferably a cloak or an oversized scarf. The meaning is less important than the ambiance created.
Step 3: Should your dance of intention be deemed acceptable, the Oracle shall impart wisdom. This wisdom is often vague enough to be interpreted in various ways, thus ensuring you leave with more questions than answers. Example phrases include, “The acorn does not fall far, but when it does, it rolls.” and “Rocks, in all their immobility, are the trees of the mountains.” Meditate on these until dehydration or ennui compels you to resume your quest.
In conclusion, dear seeker, the Oracle of the Trees does not offer direct answers, nor does it provide clarity in any known form. It exists, rather, to encourage thoughtful ambiguity as one wrestles with the profound and ultimate question: Why do leaves never turn blue? Venture forth, and may your questions become as numerous as the leaves upon your chosen tree, yet as light as the breeze that carries them aloft.