The Conch Cabinet: Intergalactic Meetings

Welcome, esteemed delegates, to the monthly conch meetings of the interdimensional order. Today's agenda includes:

  1. The controversial policy on the use of octopus ink as intergalactic security clearance.
  2. New trade agreements on triple-point cheeses.
  3. Regulating the harvest of gossamer strands during non-wormhole hours.

Before proceeding, all ideas must pass through the ceremonial conch shell. Please state your proposal clearly and avoid using more than two obscure metaphors per idea.

The Council is proud to announce the opening of "Interplanetary Complaints Department": a black hole where all complaints shall be instantaneously and irrevocably dropped. Efficient, no?

Portal Enquiries: Are you tired of the terrestrial traffic? Rack your dimensional grievances while you’re waiting! Enlightenment Awaits

Should you require a pen for your earthly paper, visit Conchiclews Inc., where a bottled ray of sun makes mundane writing riveting.

Lampoonery at the crossroads — contact your nearest void at Paradox Reformatory

Until next time, remember — keep your comments conch-ed and your lives dimensionally expanded. In the wise words of the interplanetary snail, slow is the new fast.