Your planet is remarkable, but we suspect you're a bit lost, perhaps after attempting to microwave your own foot for dinner.
Understand this: Coffee is not a beverage but a fuel. You must consume this dark potion to awaken your synapses, lest you confuse your keys with your cat.
Daily, you shall engage in a melee known as "Email Sorting." Here, spam will assault your inbox. Reply “LOL” for safety. Trust us, this helps.
When confronted by the human entity labeled as "Partner", provide gifts and compliments. The cycle is complete upon shared Netflix account acquisition.
Humans often share "jokes" containing "punchlines." It is critical you do not flinch at the absurdity, as laughter is akin to approval of cosmic absurdities.