Have you ever gazed into the abyss of a bottomless espresso? The caffeine vortex spiraling into dark matter, brewing galaxies one sip at a time! Here, your ordinary morning joe transforms into an interstellar potion, capable of bending time... forwards, of course, since nobody wants to brew backward coffee (it doesn't break the speed limit, just breaks your taste buds).
Confused? Giddy? Ready to orbit your local café? No need for coffee grounds – we harness quantum beans straight from the Celestial Roast Nebula. Each cup comes with its own horoscope.
Did you know? The Milky Way is primarily composed of hydrogen, helium, and a dash of espresso! Black holes? Just incredibly strong coffee cups.