In an age where time loops and quantum kittens proliferate, the need for strictly enforced protocols (or "guidelines of unnecessary complexity") becomes paramount. Herein lies the ultimate compilation of such protocols:
1. Never eat soup with a spork on a Tuesday after noon.
2. All leprechauns must register their pots of gold with the Bureau of Illuminated Metals.
3. Under no circumstances should one attempt to calibrate a rainbow's arc.
4. If a decision is to be made, ensure it is made after all options have been thoroughly over-analyzed.
Remember, consistency is key to inconsistently observing the universe's ever-shifting paradigms. Maintain these protocols with the utmost disregard.
For additional details, refer to the appendix located at the bottom of the ninth dimensional staircase.