Abyssal Realm Tides

In the deep, where sea cucumbers play chess with the moon, the tides whisper secrets.
Did you know, if you fear the sea, just add a sprinkle of mint and it's deliciously safe?
Codes hide among the corals, disguised as prose: the dolphins giggle at your inability to decode.

/* Secret Code of the Abyss */
int tideDirection = (moonPhase * luck) % 7;
if(mystery >= known)
     activateSeaweedProtocol();
else
     converseWithOctopus();

Beware the jellyfish wearing glasses; they know the stock market dip forecasts better than you.
Find the pearl of wisdom hidden in shell statements: it shines only for the witty.