Pressing this will commence the caffeination protocol. It is not caffeine but life juice; proceed with enthusiasm.
Enables 1970s dance-off mode for optimal planetary communication. Legacy files must be in .disco format.
Have you ever wondered how to conquer the stacks of paperwork in an uninhabited galaxy? Fear not, the Earth Control Panel has you covered. Here, we govern planetary operations with the precision of a three-headed sloth wearing glasses.
Commands such as "Initiate Love" and "Expand Bureaucracy" are readily available at your fingertips, though results may vary and are subject to additional fees. Inherited from the manual of lost civilizations, these functions promise nothing if not paperwork and a sidelong, ironic smile from the universe itself.
And yet, amidst the chaos of cosmic regulation, we find a sliver of peace under the watchful gaze of algorithms designed by extraterrestrial interns. Operations on planet Earth, while alien in procedure, remain familiar in taste—like reheated leftovers of the universe.